The Bridge

Crossing the Plank

He stands before a bridge hovering above endless space. There isn’t much light in his world—only a faint glow across the way. But what he calls a bridge is barely that at all: a single plank suspended over nothingness.

- ‘Oh God, he thinks, I can’t do this. It’s too scary. I’ll fall for sure.’

Then a voice rises within him, soft, amused, unmistakably familiar.

- ‘Why are you hesitating? And why would you fall? Did you not call for more light? Do you not see that this is how one learns to fly?’

- ‘Yes, but this is different! he cries. Look at it, this is madness! There’s no bottom. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to die!’

- ‘First, my dear, it isn’t possible to die. So that’s not even an argument. Secondly, within you there is no bottom either. You are as boundless as the abyss before you. The same space that holds the stars lives inside your chest.’

The voice pauses, as though smiling.

- ‘What you fear is your own depth. It is your mind that spins the stories of danger and fall. Every thought of loss is only a cloud passing before the brilliance that you are. When you step forward, the plank will widen. When you breathe, the void will lift you. When you reach the other side, you will realize the light you see is already within you. Every trembling moment of your life has been preparing you for this crossing. The elegance of My plan is beyond comprehension. Now gather yourself. Go within. Still your mind. I will meet you on the other side!’

He breathes. The light across the bridge flickers, then seems to move closer. Somewhere inside him, a quiet certainty begins to rise: perhaps the bridge was never outside him at all. He takes a single step, the plank feels steady beneath his feet. Another breath, another step. The glow grows brighter, softer, wrapping around him like dawn. The fear dissolves. There is no edge anymore; only radiance, and the echo of his own laughter blending with the voice that was never separate from him.

Reflection
Sometimes fear feels like death approaching, but it’s only the small self dissolving before expansion. Every plank we cross, every unknown we step into, is another passage toward remembering the light we already carry.

The bridge is not the test.
The bridge is the invitation.

Written from the edge of wonder — Carmelliea

The mirror

The Mirror

I’m standing before the mirror, staring at a stranger.
The face looking back feels distant, almost hostile
familiar enough to unsettle me,
yet hollow in a way I can’t explain.

I study her the way one studies damage
the cracks, the fatigue, the quiet accusation in her eyes.
It’s like examining a photograph that never captured who I truly was.
There’s no warmth in it, no recognition.
Just this strange ache - the feeling of being left behind by my own reflection.

For a moment, I don’t know who abandoned whom -
whether I’ve walked away from her,
or she from me.

“Who are you?” I ask. “It’s just you and me here, you know.”

She studies me in silence for a long moment - eyes narrowing, searching, tracing every detail of my face.
It feels like she’s examining not just my features but my essence,
looking for the one hiding behind the mask.

When she finally speaks, her voice is quiet - hesitant, almost fragile.

“I’m me,” she says slowly, as if testing the words.
Then, after another pause, she adds,
“I wish you could see me.
Not just glare and turn away.
Not with judgment, not with those scrutinizing eyes that keep searching for faults.
But really see me - with your heart.

See me beneath the weariness and the doubts.
See the beauty that still lives here, quietly, waiting to be noticed.
See the spark that refuses to die no matter how many storms you’ve walked through.
See my spirit - the one that never stopped believing in light.
See the love that you are.

And most of all,
I want you to love you.
Completely.
The way I always have.

I take a breath. My eyes soften.
As I search past the flaws, past the stories etched into my skin,
something shifts.
I begin to see
the quiet, eternal soul that always was.

The voice in the mirror continues, gentle and knowing.

You are not your thoughts, blessed soul.
You are not this image trapped in glass.
You are not the stories your mind repeats.
You are not your successes or your failures.
You are the vast stillness upon which all these things appear.

Ever wondered what holds the space for your thoughts to arise?
What wonder awaits beyond your knowing?

Does your heartbeat count the days passing?
Does a flower beg for the bees?
Does a cloud hold back the rain?
Does the night steal from the day?

Why not lay your mind to rest and let life shine upon your heart?
Just be the love your soul already is ;
infinite, playful, unbound as the universe itself.

I smile at her - this mirrored me - and she smiles back.
For a moment, there’s no reflection, no mirror, no separation.
Only love, looking at itself.

Reflection
Most of us first meet ourselves through judgment - counting flaws instead of blessings.
But the mirror is more than a surface; it is a doorway.
Look long enough, and you begin to see through the skin of form into the radiance within.
The wounds, the wrinkles, the weary eyes - all are proof that love has lived here.
When the gaze turns kind, the reflection changes.
Because the soul behind the eyes has never aged.

Written from the edge of wonder — Carmelliea

Time for a 10 day fast

Let’s face it, 2018 was the rollercoaster of a life time experience with as many ups as there were downs and thank goodness it’s over and done. For me it happened in grand style on New Year’s Eve when the remnants of lifetimes of grief, anger, frustrations and victimhood, splattered across the pavement. Time for a reset and fast and some serious New Year’s resolution. From now on, no more escapism. Right….

Starting the fast wasn’t much of a problem because I couldn’t have swallowed anything anyway, even if I wanted to. I have been building up myself up to it for some time…spending loads of time with my mum who at 82 is a bit of a legend. She drinks, smokes and people think she’s in her sixties. Once someone even asked if we were sisters. I didn’t think it was funny! Anyways, staying straight with her is a bit of a challenge when it doesn’t take much to be swayed.  

I have always been an extremist. On the one hand a die-hard party girl, a lucky-go-happy type who loves being in company preferably a glass of wine in one hand and a lover in the other I can drag unto the dance floor.  Dancing, second to lovemaking, is definitely my all-time favourite pastime. Nothing beats emptying my mind and let the body move to music that lights my fire! Ah the unmistakable surge of heat… At least I’m not thinking then; not about my situation and what I must do, should do or can’t do and I’m not thinking about food….but since I can’t dance from morning till evening, I do end up thinking a whole lot about food and stuff that needs to be contained from once in a while. Like wiping a slate clean and to start off 2019 on the right foot, I decided to fast, 10 days, just to make sure I will have a better grip on myself. As I’m writing this today is my 10th day! Alleluia! I’m feeling totally amazing. Yesterday I walked for 3hrs through the forest going uphill, downhill, then went shopping. My mind is clear, my speech is brighter and I’m not so much looking for my words anymore. According to Mellen Thomas, who since his very powerful NDE, has the ability to tap into universal intelligence, memory is not only dependent on the brain. In fact, it seems we all have the ability to tap into universal memory or intelligence. It’s called inspiration.

So here is a diary of the last 10 days.

Day 1 to 3:
Menu: Hot lemon juice, herb tea. As much as I need to feel a little full. I’m feeling awful. Can’t stand on my legs for too long and my head is spinning. Thank God for Netflix.
Day 4:
Menu: Hot lemon juice, Kefir, fresh mint tea (I managed to drag myself to the shop to buy some mint). Netflix (Orange is the new Black. Those chicks are so cool. Wish I could talk like that but with these scrambled eggs masquerading as my brain, fat chance) Am I comparing myself again?
Friend came by for a walk in the forest. (I read somewhere you need to exercise). Dunno who came up with that idea. I nearly had a heart attack.

Day 5: 
Menu Morning: Hot lemon juice, kefir, fresh mint tea. Evening: organic vegetables bouillon. It’s soooo good! (Netflix: More Orange is the new Black)
I’m starting to feel human again, but still constipated despite the lemon juice and kefir. I did some online research.
Day 6,7
Menu Morning: Hot lemon juice, Kefir, fresh mint tea. Evening Vegetable bouillon  
Day 8
Menu Morning: Hot lemon juice, Kefir, fresh mint tea, unsweetened almond milk spiced with turmeric, pepper, cinnamon, ginger (simply divine). Evening Vegetable bouillon
I’m feeling better by the minute. My energy is high, my brain feels bright and my inspiration is once again alive and kicking. I created three new Sparks on my phone in one day.
Day 9, 10
Menu Morning: Hot lemon juice, Kefir, fresh mint tea, unsweetened almond milk spiced with turmeric, pepper, cinnamon, ginger (simply divine). Evening Vegetable bouillon but on last day time I’m eating the vegetables.
Holy shit, I have never felt so good. It just an amazing feeling to be clear and clean inside. No wind, no feeling bloated.

So, there you go. Just 10 days ago I felt like a hopeless basket case. I was hoping the fast would clear my mind and kick start my inspiration which had sort of died down lately.  I couldn’t have hoped for a greater result. It’s everything I had hoped for and more. Now, with a tenfold determination to give birth to my dreams, I’m planning on staying the course. 2019 is going to be a great year. I can feel it!!!

Reflection

Fasting, it seems, doesn’t just clear the body, it unclogs the soul.
When the noise drops and the cravings settle, inspiration slips through like sunlight through clean glass.
We spend so much time filling ourselves that we forget how radiant it feels to be empty.
Sometimes the best way to find direction is to do nothing at all… except breathe, laugh, and let clarity find us.

Written from the edge of wonder — Carmelliea

Choosing between what feels good and what is right

Recently I had a difficult choice to make and in doing so it has come to my attention that choosing for what  feels good in the immediate future, can be mistaken for what is right. And by right I mean the choice that will deliver our highest potential. The stuff we feel really passionate about. 

Following our heart is by far the scariest of options and every so often I find myself drifting towards escapism when venturing closer to the edge of the unknown, where we come face to face with our fear of failure. Can I really trust myself? Am I good enough? Won't I make a fool of myself when I start teaching? Am I ready? Of course, in theory I know it's ego on a rampage taking my mind hostage because when I'm meditating and truly present, in my heart and tuned in, I'm totally at peace in an exhalted state of bliss. I have to remind myself, I have nothing to prove. Only to be here now, to love and be in service.  

I was quite young, maybe 18 I had a significant dream showing me my state of mind. In my dream I was hopping behind my sister down a path leading towards the edge of an abyss. My sister confidently jumped into the void, no problem at all. I, on the other hand, came to a screeching halt collapsing on all fours at the edge. I was terrified. A fire truck appeared hovering in the void rolling out a ladder leaning on a plank that now bridged the edge of the ravine and the ladder. A friendly fireman came forth who wanted to help me. Walking half way across the plank, he encouraged me to cross the plank. Regardless, I was too terrified and fainted in my dream! 

Years later, when I was about 45, I had another significant dream. In the meantime I had read the ‘Conversations With God’ books of Neale Donald Walsh, which made a huge difference to my understanding of life. In the dream I was adrift on a vast ocean when a massive whirlpool appeared in front of me, so huge that a cargo ship nearby looked like a toy.
The pull was immense. I felt the panic rise and the helpless certainty that I was about to be swallowed whole.
But then I remembered to ask God for help and in that very moment, I'm catapulted upwards and I'm flying across the ocean, seeing whales and dolphins swimming under the water. 

There truly is nothing to fear...and I'm the first one who needs to remind myself of it because we live in world of energies that trigger us. That's the reason why meditation is such a must….and breathing deeply.

God, or Source Energy or whatever you want to call It, being all-knowing and pure love has got our back. Best is then, instead of worrying about the details, to wake up feeling blessed and grateful.  So THANK YOU GOD for everything and give yourself the thumbs up! Sure as heaven, life will turn out all-right. We are heroes!

Reflection

When fear rises, it can feel as if we’re being pulled into a whirlpool; helpless, overwhelmed, lost in the current of our own thoughts. Yet the moment we remember to ask for help, everything changes.

Grace does not delay. The answer arrives the instant the heart opens, the instant you ask for help. It may come as calm, as courage, or as a sudden lift out of despair, but it always comes for God, Source, Love, whatever name you give the Infinite, is listening, all-ways…

Ask, and you rise. Every time.

Written from the edge of wonder - Carmelliea

There's Nothing Quite As Inspiring As to Feel Inspired

There was a time I couldn't stand poetry. Today I totally get it even though it’s still a faraway universe. Poets are like the illuminated cherries on the pie. Ok so you don't need to eat too many cherries either, that's nauseating. Poetry is meant to be read in homeopathic doses. Nevertheless, they are divinely inspired and are meant to be savoured slowly. Therefore reading poetry requires patience and a certain amount of presence, something I acquired recently, at least for kindergarden poetry. Maybe because now I consider myself an aspiring poet. It's not really my niche but really, I totally get it and I do love writing.  I especially love the feeling of going into the heart waiting for the whispers to rise from within floating past the mind. It feels so true and real when you hear it. It feels like yourself or you exploring new lands. I get that feeling when I'm walking into a forest or when I cook. You can't force to make it happen. You can't control the process and neither is it something you can remember. No wonder kids can't sit still. They are dying to be inspired. They don't enjoy copying or rehearsing or memorizing. They want to create like we all do but most grown-ups have mastered the art of ignoring the inner voice which is a tragedy. Imagine a world filled with people who are happy and content and feeling invigourated by a day spent creating another masterpiece. Every day is Sunday. Every day is a day inspired feeling so very much alive because your heart pulsates to the beat of the universe. Every day you wake up with a passion for life forever creating waves of bliss. It’s supreme ecstasy even more so because you have mastered your fear so you know your blissful state is never going away. You are plugged in, heart and mind are aligned.

Just as we are all born with different fingerprints, so we are all born with a very special talent. We ALL have a very special talent that we do better than anyone else. That is our gift from the divine light within. We are all geniuses. The day I decided to start following my heart, I became a genius. You too can become a genius. It’s so easy because the only requirement is to start doing what you love most and what comes EASY. Easy is the opposite of disease which is what happens when your follow ego agendas. Stuff that gives you a sense of entitlement because for years you had to work so very hard to obtain it. Yet deep down you know…..Who dreamt of becoming a divorce lawyer or working for the tax department when they were 6?

True happiness is only realized when originality is finally able to shine through. It restores self-esteem and unknown faculties become alive. For example, you start to recognize your inner guidance system. When there’s too much going on in the head because you are trying to figure things out, you end up feeling exhausted. But when you are in alignment engaged in an activity you feel passionate about, you are present and you pay attention to the ideas and hints that jump to mind. Feeling erect in the spine, the speech becomes clear and powerful as you express your ideas with confidence.

The natural condition of life is to live without fear. Fear is not real and darkness is nothingness. You can never add dark. I learned that from Osho. You can only ever fill the darkness with light. Therefore the nature of life or God is 'light’ and the feeling of light is love. How do we know this? Because we are created in the image of God. It’s just that before you awaken, you imagine that God loves like you; conditionally. But observe babies....love in natural. It arises when you still your mind. It even has a sound; OM. No one should ever chant OM like a robot, but wait for OM to arise when you are tuned in and your vibration has gone up. It will arise naturally.  

Once awake, we realize we are mirrored images of God and separation is only an illusion. Our life, our experiences is entirely our universe. The whole of it is a reflection of the content of our mind, manifested thoughts, feelings and underlying feelings. If all this feels a bit daunting, no need to worry, there's more help out there then we can possibly imagine. We only have to ask. Is it not with the faith of a mustard seed that mountains are moved?  We do need to ask however for divine law prevents us from receiving unless we ask. We truly are free in every sense of the word. 

Reflection

Inspiration is the language of the soul reminding us that creation is our birthright.
It doesn’t arrive through effort or perfection, but through the simple willingness to listen.
Every time we follow the spark that feels easy and alive, we honour the divine fingerprint within us.

When we ignore it, life grows dull and heavy; when we follow it, the universe becomes our dance partner.
So, whether it comes as poetry, paint, laughter, or love, answer it.
Because the call to create is not a luxury. It is God whispering, “Remember Me.”

Written from the edge of wonder — Carmelliea

Monoculture mind versus divine mind

Just as strong plants need healthy soil, a strong imagination also needs a solid foundation.
An imagination without roots is easily swayed by fear. It is not wrong, simply unbalanced.
It’s all a matter of what we choose to cultivate.

Our world today mirrors agricultural monoculture, dependent on specialists, fertilizers, and control.
We are taught that complexity equals value, that the harder we work, the more we deserve, and that life was never meant to be easy.
No wonder everyone, Mother Earth included, feels dis-eased and exhausted.
The within has lost touch with the without.

The Monoculture Mind grows from separation.
It begins in the early garden of childhood, when we feel unseen or abandoned and lose trust in life.
We start searching outside ourselves for approval, recognition, and safety.
Soon we crave podiums, degrees, bank balances, and fortresses.
We compete to be first, to be right, to be in control.
But a fortress built from fear always needs maintenance.

The Divine Mind is the opposite.
It is rooted in presence, trust, and a deep sense of being loved.
From that stillness inspiration arises, ideas that appear from nowhere carrying the unmistakable frequency of truth.
When you feel inspired, you are fully here and time dissolves.

Faith is the key.
To align with divine inspiration we must let go of expectations and plans, even beliefs.
When we are attached to nothing and open to everything, we become hollow like a bamboo flute through which the divine can play its melody.
Feel into your heart, let words and actions flow uncensored.

Each lifetime tests this faith.
We lose what we cling to — security, relationships, direction — not as punishment but as initiation.
Every collapse rebuilds a stronger heart.
Letting go of control is the hardest practice, yet the only one that leads to true freedom.

Surrender and faith walk hand in hand.
Divine will is love’s will, effortless, generous, creative.
Look at nature: abundance thrives without strain.
The path of least effort is simply the next step that feels alive.

Many still find this uncomfortable because we were taught that only what is hard has value.
And so, gods work in factories and pay taxes while their own gardens lie untended.
But the moment we breathe deeply, slow down, and trust, inspiration returns.

Faith opens the door for divine soul-utions to enter.
They always serve the greater good, because the universe itself is symbiotic.
When we feel supported, we breathe freely, and through that breath, inspiration rises again.

A monoculture mind needs constant feeding and pest control.
A divine mind is self-sustaining.
The first demands reward and recognition; the second simply grows quietly, abundantly, in harmony with all life.

Reflection

When the mind is farmed by fear, it demands fertilizer: approval, effort, complexity.
When it rests in love, it blooms naturally.
To cultivate the divine mind is to remember that we are not separate from the garden we tend.
Breathe, trust, loosen the soil of your thoughts, and let inspiration plant itself.

Written from the edge of wonder — Carmelliea

Days That Ache

Some days are just a pain.
I go from feeling on top of the world to down in the dungeons.

I know I’m offloading painful feelings, and I try to simply watch them.
Fortunately, I don’t identify with them anymore.
I’m not lost or desperate.
I know this, too, will pass, and soon the sun will shine brightly again.

Still, it hurts.
And I wonder when it will stop.

I’m gifted, yet I feel utterly useless sometimes, frightened and abandoned.
Yes, it’s all coming up.
All illusion, all programming to be felt and seen for what it is: pain.
Plain and simple.

And still, I know I have tools in my workbag.

When I meditate, I first slip into pure awareness,
then summon the Light of the Universe and surrender my troubles.
Relief always comes; it always does.
The pain is only there to be felt before the oh-so-sweet release.
Afterward, I feel twice as loved.

I’ve learned you have to ask for it.

I also meditate out loud. I speak the words.
It makes them more powerful.
I breathe, a million times into my body and sacred heart,
until I feel as vast as the cosmos, filled with stars.

I remember I am more than the 53-year-old Carmelliea,
daughter, sister, mother, ex-wife, girlfriend, teacher, student,
Belgian-Australian citizen.

I say aloud:

I Am the essence of Life.
I Am the joyful expression of the divine, sparkling and bright.
I Am trust.
I Am confidence.
I Am the love that abounds.
I Am the sea of inspiration.
I Am limitless.
I Am infinity.
I Am Magnificence.
I Am the Light.
I Am that I Am.

And then I breathe some more,
until my whole body hums with energy
and my Higher Self fills every cell.

Then I’m on top again,
until the next wave comes to be cleared.

Today I made a drawing. As always,
it mirrors the weather inside me.

Reflection

Pain and peace share the same heartbeat.
When one rises, the other waits beneath it.
To feel deeply is not failure; it is participation in life’s rhythm.
Every time we breathe through our suffering instead of running from it,
we invite the divine to move closer.
Not to erase the ache, but to remind us, even in the dungeons,
that we are still the light.

Written from the edge of wonder — Carmelliea